Thoughtful

Wednesday I had classes, and one of my classes is Worldview. It's really making me think a lot. The other day we watched a video that mentioned "the empty self." It mentioned that the empty self could be characterized in a couple of different ways. One was was thinking about appearances all the time, and I thought, "I really don't have to worry about that, since I don't think about my appearance that much (other than making sure I look presentable and all that happy stuff) and I don't think about other peoples' at all. I seriously don't classify people as being good- or bad-looking. Another point was about how the empty self lives to be entertained, and devours rather than creating, and again, I though, "No problem," because I mostly entertain myself, and I do create things. I mean, I'm a writer and actress (whether I want to do those things for a living is a whole 'nother issue). Another point was that the empty self believes that everything exists to make him happy. This one kind of struck home a little bit. I don't think I conciously think that, but I do to some extent. The reason I do a lot of things is because they make me happy. And right when I was thinking about that, this one hit me. The empty self is a person tho thinks about himself and not about his role in the community. Gasp. I DO think about myself rather than how I can serve other people. I know when I'm talking to someone I want to tell them all about my problems or my happiness, rather than listening to their problems. And sometimes I end up being a jerk, such as the time I was all ready to tell a friend of mine about some trivial thing that has happened to me, and then he said that his girlfriend had just broken up with him, and he was really upset. Of course I stopped talking about myself and listened to him, but I really should have asked how he was before jumping in with my own thoughts and feelings.
Then for Women's History (which my rocking mom teaches) we talked about the role of women, both in history and now. There are a lot of things that people say women shouldn't do, but what it comes down to is this: women should do whatever God calls them to do. Period. If God calls a woman to be a military leader, then that is what's right for them. If God calls her to be a preacher, then she should do it. There are examples of Godly women in leadership in the Bible. Not all women are suited for it, but not all men are, either. And it made me think of how I could serve God. It really makes you feel small when you think about it that way. I mean, how on EARTH could I help God. There are so many people who are better at so many things than I am. And God is God. How could I do something for God? I'm still trying to figure those things out.
Today I kind of felt stupid at speech. A kid did a persuasive about some goofy subject, and I thought his evidence was real, so I said something about it, and it turned out that he just made it up. Wow. I probably should have figured that out. Only I didn't think we were allowed to do that. Well, not for tournaments, obviously. But for class I didn't think so, either.

I'm sad.

We went to Cici's Pizza last night and the singing busboy was absent.
Only Degrassi was there.
Degrassi is death.

Slow day.

Today I actually got paid for doing homework. Seriously. I was working at the Nut House (No, not the greenhouse. My boss has a little tent thing set up, and it's filled with bulk food type stuff. Mostly nuts. Somebody came in and asked if we had any onions. What the heck?) and it wasn't very busy. So I did my algebra homework and also some other stuff. I mean, my boss told me to bring it in case it was slow. I did sell some stuff, including a five pound bag of pecans. YES. One down, a billion to go. Also some corn stalks and stuff. These people must be nuts. If I walked into that place I would totally buy some of those cinnamon almonds and toffe almonds and all the chocolatey goodies they have. Chocolate covered pretzles. I'm telling you, it's torture working in that place because I have no money. And I really really really want some of it. I tried some of the wasabi peas today, and that is one thing that I will not crave. Bleh. If anyone reading this ever comes, hurry up and buy them so I can look at the good stuff more.

Anything of interest?

No.
Are you going to read it anyway?
Probably.

Anyway, I've decided that hormones are the worst thing ever, and am resolved to have nothing to do with them. Not that I ever really did ANYWAY. But you know what I mean.

Also, I've decided that I totally didn't appreciate my old art teacher when I had him, because he was really great and, although I still don't really like drawing, if I'm going to be forced into it I'd rather have Mr. Del than some...guy...who annoys the heck out of me.
Hm? What? I wasn't talking about any art classes that I took recently. Nope. Not at all. I'm not saying that some guy put a sticker in my scetchbook which, although filled with crap, is still sacred territory. I mean, this guy put it on the page with an actual drawing! "Buy my book!" Or whatever. I pulled it off, of course. Probably he didn't know what he was doing. I guess I'll forgive him for that. Eventually.
Ahem. I mean, that didn't happen to me. I didn't take art classes. I don't know what you're talking about. What are we talking about?