If I were a stand up comedian, I don't think I would be. Because things that I think are funny tend to not be funny to anyone else, and people laugh at me because (I guess) I have an infectious laugh. Meaning that my laugh is so goofy that everyone laughs at me. Just spreadin' the joy. And I don't think that when you are a comedian you're supposed to laugh at yourself. So that counts me right out. I laugh at EVERYTHING. I told someone that I wanted to be a doctor, and he laughed and said "Yeah, Bard, I can see you about to operate on someone, and then you start giggling." Which is not true, because I don't giggle. I gufaw, which is much worse because it's not really cute, and girls who giggle at everything are cute, but girls who gufaw at everything are either weird or hicks. Not that I'm passing judgment on anyone, I'm just saying that's probably what people think.
Another bad thing is being bad at a lot of stuff that people can see, and only being good at stuff that is kind of unseen. Like writing. I'm a pretty good writer. But if you tell someone, "Hey, I stink at roller skating and volleyball, but you should see me write!"
a) You sound conceited,
b) no one can actually see you write,
c) writing is kind of a geeky thing to be good at, if you contrast it with roller skating or bungie jumping,
d) no one would believe you.
Which is really bad if you belong to a homeschool group, and you go canoeing, play baseball, play volleyball and go roller skating and you are really bad (read: horribly embarrasingly awful) at all of those things. Especially since everyone else is really good at all of those things. Because if you were to say something about how you were good at writing poetry (which I didn't, because I know that would be a dumb thing to say) no one cares, since every single teen in America thinks they can write poetry, even if they can't. (I'm not talking about anyone I know, here, because the people I know who write poetry are usually pretty good.)
Although I have been told by a friend that falling down on your butt, laughing and getting back up is considered cute or at least admirable, I think that it was probably not true, because no one even noticed that I was on the ground except for my friends, who already like me because they are friends with me. So I think probably it's just kind of annoying.
In case you haven't noticed, I don't really have anything to say, so the rest of the post is probably going to spiral downhill and out of control from here.
People are strange.
I'm going to be a movie director just so I can have something good to watch on the weekends. Because most of the movies that have been coming out lately are trash. And I don't want my brain cells to disappear. Okay, not all of the movies. Pride and Predjudice was really good. Nanny McPhee was okay. I dunno what else. Willow is one of the bestest movies ever made. Along with Pirates of the Carribean, but everybody knows that already. And Napoleon Dynamite.
Bard's Top Ten Movies:
10) Princess Diaries (NOT the second one, sinply because Mia and Michael are made for each other, and the only reason he wasn't in the movie is because the actor was on a tour with his band and didn't want to be in it.)
9) Fiddler on the Roof
8) Music Man (the original)
7) Oklahoma (the version with Hugh Jackman that is a recording of one on stage)
6) Peter Pan (live action)
5) Sky High/Finding Neverland
4) Charlie and the Chocolate Factory/Willy Wonka (I can't decide between them)Star Wars/Willow (can't decide between them, either. And I'm talking the ORIGINAL star wars, not the new ones)
3) Star Wars/Willow (can't decide between them, either. And I'm talking the ORIGINAL star wars, not the new ones)
2) Napoleon Dynamite
1) Princess Bride/ Pirates of the Carribbean
Yeah. And the best actors are Johnny Depp, Kiara Knightly, Steve Martin, that one little girl from Matilda, Freddie Highmore, and I dunno, Kurt Russel. And Anne Hathaway. They're all pretty good. Oh, yeah, Jon Heder. He's pretty cool AND what'shisname Viggo Mortinsen. I think I spelled his name wrong...
So that's all we have time for today, folks.