If I were a stand up comedian, I don't think I would be. Because things that I think are funny tend to not be funny to anyone else, and people laugh at me because (I guess) I have an infectious laugh. Meaning that my laugh is so goofy that everyone laughs at me. Just spreadin' the joy. And I don't think that when you are a comedian you're supposed to laugh at yourself. So that counts me right out. I laugh at EVERYTHING. I told someone that I wanted to be a doctor, and he laughed and said "Yeah, Bard, I can see you about to operate on someone, and then you start giggling." Which is not true, because I don't giggle. I gufaw, which is much worse because it's not really cute, and girls who giggle at everything are cute, but girls who gufaw at everything are either weird or hicks. Not that I'm passing judgment on anyone, I'm just saying that's probably what people think.
Another bad thing is being bad at a lot of stuff that people can see, and only being good at stuff that is kind of unseen. Like writing. I'm a pretty good writer. But if you tell someone, "Hey, I stink at roller skating and volleyball, but you should see me write!"
a) You sound conceited,
b) no one can actually see you write,
c) writing is kind of a geeky thing to be good at, if you contrast it with roller skating or bungie jumping,
d) no one would believe you.
Which is really bad if you belong to a homeschool group, and you go canoeing, play baseball, play volleyball and go roller skating and you are really bad (read: horribly embarrasingly awful) at all of those things. Especially since everyone else is really good at all of those things. Because if you were to say something about how you were good at writing poetry (which I didn't, because I know that would be a dumb thing to say) no one cares, since every single teen in America thinks they can write poetry, even if they can't. (I'm not talking about anyone I know, here, because the people I know who write poetry are usually pretty good.)
Although I have been told by a friend that falling down on your butt, laughing and getting back up is considered cute or at least admirable, I think that it was probably not true, because no one even noticed that I was on the ground except for my friends, who already like me because they are friends with me. So I think probably it's just kind of annoying.
In case you haven't noticed, I don't really have anything to say, so the rest of the post is probably going to spiral downhill and out of control from here.
People are strange.
I'm going to be a movie director just so I can have something good to watch on the weekends. Because most of the movies that have been coming out lately are trash. And I don't want my brain cells to disappear. Okay, not all of the movies. Pride and Predjudice was really good. Nanny McPhee was okay. I dunno what else. Willow is one of the bestest movies ever made. Along with Pirates of the Carribean, but everybody knows that already. And Napoleon Dynamite.
Bard's Top Ten Movies:
10) Princess Diaries (NOT the second one, sinply because Mia and Michael are made for each other, and the only reason he wasn't in the movie is because the actor was on a tour with his band and didn't want to be in it.)
9) Fiddler on the Roof
8) Music Man (the original)
7) Oklahoma (the version with Hugh Jackman that is a recording of one on stage)
6) Peter Pan (live action)
5) Sky High/Finding Neverland
4) Charlie and the Chocolate Factory/Willy Wonka (I can't decide between them)Star Wars/Willow (can't decide between them, either. And I'm talking the ORIGINAL star wars, not the new ones)
3) Star Wars/Willow (can't decide between them, either. And I'm talking the ORIGINAL star wars, not the new ones)
2) Napoleon Dynamite
1) Princess Bride/ Pirates of the Carribbean
Yeah. And the best actors are Johnny Depp, Kiara Knightly, Steve Martin, that one little girl from Matilda, Freddie Highmore, and I dunno, Kurt Russel. And Anne Hathaway. They're all pretty good. Oh, yeah, Jon Heder. He's pretty cool AND what'shisname Viggo Mortinsen. I think I spelled his name wrong...
So that's all we have time for today, folks.

Didn't see THIS one coming!

So. I am still kind of in shock. Yesterday was the Speech and Debate Tournament. Well, Friday was debate, too. And I went. But I wasn't as involved. I just watched that, although I'm thinking of doing it next year. I think it would be kind of fun, but I think I would be really bad at it. And I bet you that Mom's going to get all mad at me for typing that, but it's true.
Anyway. Saturday was Speech and three rounds of debate. Which, again, I did watch, although the final round I didn't really pay attention, and instead found it advantageous to play hangman and tic-tac-toe with another girl.
I did a Programmed Oral Interpretation. POI. I think I described that in another post, and I don't really want to do it again.
My first round went pretty well. I was up against K, who was first place last time, is really nice, and is from my club, along with some other guys from other clubs. I didn't know them from the last tournament. Their POIs were pretty good, but I knew my presentation was better, not to sound full of myself. Two of them didn't have it very well memorized and that showed, and the other was good, but too quiet and his facial expressions weren't very strong. I was pretty happy with my performance, although the room was TINY and that threw me off a little bit, because my focal points were skewed. Focal points are when you do a character and face in a different direction for them. Every character has a different spot in the room that you look at, and the narration is at the judges. But I had to be in the corner of the room, and it threw everyone off quite a bit. They should have put the impromtu speeches in that room.
I left the round and hung out with Aragorn, Grape and Lynn, along with some other people. There was about 15 minutes until the next round.
That round was not nearly as good as my first. The people were a LOT better. Of course K's was good, I knew her's was going to be. But there was another girl, and I thought her speech was WAY better than mine. Another bad thing was that half-way through my intro (which has to be memorized, and the rest of the speech you have to use your script) I transposed a few of the words, and that rattled me, and luckily the judge let me start over. Unluckily, that had an effect on how I did the rest of my speech because I was nervous.
There was lunch and another debate round in between my next round, which was nice. Lunch was funny. I sat with a few other members from my club (including Emma) and we laughed the entire lunchtime, it seemed. Well, we laughed and stole pieces of each other's lunch.
Before the final round, I was worried. The final round, unlike the first two rounds, is power mathced, meaning that all the people who did the very best are in one room, and depending on the amount of people doing the speech, the other rooms are the middle and worst. I didn't think that I'd made it to the finals, or the room going for first. Although the rooms aren't labeled, you can kind of tell which room is which. I looked at the postings with great trepidation.
I was in the same room a K and EG. They won first and second places the last tournement, and I had seen K's other two rounds, and knew that she was even better than last time. I flipped out. I was in the finals!
But I couldn't find anyone from my club! I wanted so badly to tell someone, but I couldn't find anyone! Finally I spotted Kris, who is also in my algebra class. I grabbed her shoulder.
"I'M IN THE SAME ROOM AS EG AND K!" I said, not loudly, but with great feeling. She grabbed both of my shoulders and shook me.
"That's great! Good luck!"
"My head is going to explode!" I said.
"No, it's not. You're going to do fine."
I told everyone I knew. A boy who I had been sitting with at lunch and who is in my club, asked me who I was with right before I went in. I told him.
"You're sick." He said, not meanly, but slighly jealous.
"I'm going to be," I thought.
"Well," he continued. "Get first place. Then I can say that the person who got first liked my POI." Which I do.
The third and final round was actually good. The other people were all great, and I, knowing that I was trying for first, gave it my all. I did the very best I could do, and walked away knowing that, whether I won or not, I was happy with what I'd done. And that was the best thing I could have asked for.
Before they announced the winners, there was a two hour long debate round. I nearly died. Then a guy did a speech. Then they began to announce the winners. Starting with the littlest kids, who all got called up. Then the Junior Varsity. Then impromptu speeches. Then platform speeches. Then, finally, the POI.
The entire time I had seen other people go up, I was thinking "It would be so great to go up there and have my club shouting my name. It would be great." But I was pretty certain that, although I was happy with what I'd done, I was not going to win. And then:
"Third place in POI: Bard!"
Lynn and Aragron both grabbed my shoulders, slapping my back. I think I shouted. "OH MY GOSH!" I couldn't even see straight. There were at least 18 kids competing, maybe 20. There had been six really really good speeches in the finals. I won third, which was really good, especially considering that this is my first year doing speeches of any kind, and my second tournament. I was smiling so much that my mouth hurt. Aragorn, Edison, Emma and Jord all stood up. I didn't see them, but Aragorn and Emma told me afterwards. Emma's mom said she was screaming my name at the top of her lungs. I was SO happy.
Plus I got candy.

My fingers hurt

But there is good news. I learned how to play a new song on the guitar. Which is nice. AND there's a little solo like thing, which would be the first I've ever learned to play. (Give me a break; it's only been about four months.)
In other news, I should be doing my algebra homework. But I'll just do a bunch tomorrow. Since it's Saturday and all. I'll take it to the square dance. It's not like I'll have a partner or anything.
It's so weird to think that there are other people in the world doind stuff right this very moment. I think I have this idea in the back of my head that everybody else is a robot, and I'm the only real person in teh world. The worst thing is that there is no way to prove that I'm wrong. I mean, you all could be programmed to tell me that you aren't robots. or maybe you don't even know. In which case it doesn't matter that I'm weird, because you are all programmed to be not-weird, and I can't help being the only human in the world.
I guess I'm just thinking that there are people who I know, and I think highly of, and they probably never even think of me at all. And probably vice versa. And famous people (Bill Cosby, for example) I think about a lot, but I'm pretty sure they have no idea that I exist. When I was younger I used to imagine meeting famous people by accident, and I they would think that I was the coolest person in the world, but that probably never happens. I wonder how often a celebrity meets a normal person and becomes friends with them. Probably never. That would be kind of lonely. No wonder so many of them are on drugs. And get divorced all the time. If I'm ever famous I'll be friends with everybody, and no matter how depressed I get, I'll say NO to drugs. Ha.
It cracks me up when people ask heartthrobs if they'd ever date a fan, and the person says "Sure." I don't know about you, but I would say "HECK no." Because fans are psychotic. Seriously. I would date some cameraman or, better yet, someone who writes screenplays. But not another actor/singer and NOT a fan. But I guess Jeremy Sumpter and Orlando Bloom can't say that in an interview because
a) The PR guys would kill them,
b) the fan girls would stalk them and kill them/themselves
c) people would think they were stuck up.

Here's another thing. Have you ever been talking to someone and had no idea what they were talking about, but you can't just say that, so you have to pretend you know, and then after they're done talking you still don't know what they were talking about? That happens to me sometimes with one guy I know. But I'm not going to say who in case he reads this and then gets his feelings hurt or thinks that I'm a moron. But if I ever don't know what Mom or Ash or Tal or Kat or anyone who I know it talking about, I just tell them. Since they all know that I'm a moron.