Ugh

I feel really fat. We just ate at Olive Garden. And don't forget, you guys, it wasn't Mom's birthday. It wasn't even near Mom's birthday. We just gave her stuff, and she isn't even a year older, or anything. I gave her an add a charm bracelet. Monet gave her chocolate, Sweetheart gave her circus peanuts, and they added the rest of their money and got her earrings.
One of Mom's friends (who gave us some chickens) reportedly told Edison to tell me not to get a Chinese boyfriend unless his father has a servant, otherwise the boy is poor. He said not to flirt with any Chinese boys. That really wasn't going to make a difference to me; I can't even flirt with American boys. Any even partial flirting ends in disaster. Even talking to a boy usually ends in disaster. I generally eschew them altogether unless I know them pretty well (eg. Tal, Edison, Ash's brothers and cousins) or they're really little. When they're little I don't flirt with them. That'd be kind of weird. Little kids don't like me all too well, either. I think maybe I'm a monster. Grendel's mom, or whatever. She didn't have a name. I do have a name, though. Do monsters all have to have names, or not? I've never met one. Except Edison (who's reading over my shoulder even though he knows I hate that). Edison--in the words of the immortal Strong Bad--has an ugly and stupid butt.
I think that's pretty much it. So, bye for now.
P.S. You should read Beowulf. It's wicked sweet.